Sadness

They're not here tonight, Dayle and Harper.  They are are Kennedy Krieger Institute for her sleep study.  I wanted him to take a picture of her when she first was hooked up but she was so miserable he didn't want to upset her more. She has been stressed over this for days and we were both unable to convince her that it was probably the easiest test she will go through.  It's 24 hours. It's not needles or a watch that she has to keep on for a week.  But she was so bummed by the thought of going that there have been a whole lot of tears the past couple of days. 

My thoughts have been with her all day and I have been a mess inside.  I'm just sad for her at this point.  Sad she has to even go through this, sad that I can't be there, sad that she is so sad, sad to hear her say "Why can't I be normal?"  I have been doing a lot of holding her as she cries and gets it out because I don't feel like I have any more words or that what I have to say is working.  

Today was picture day at school. I really hope she was able to summon up a smile.